i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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