I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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