Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
