Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
