Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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