I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
