She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
