someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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