I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
