Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
