Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
