Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
