i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
