I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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