i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
