I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
