I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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