9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
