Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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