Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize