he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
