I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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