my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
