It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
