Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
