i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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