Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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