Only a mothe r could love this liver
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
