Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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