My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My vagina is officially offended.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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