all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
