I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
