hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize