i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
