I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
