Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
