Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize