he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
