Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
