Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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