when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
