Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize