Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
