my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
