Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
