wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
