she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize