Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize