i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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