I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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