You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
