I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
