i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
