it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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