i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
