i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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