remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
