Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
