You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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