some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
