And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
