theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
