coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
