How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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