I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
