I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
