you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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