seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
