I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
