I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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