I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
