I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
