It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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